You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
