Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
