I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
