5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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