vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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