Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
