So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
