Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
