dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
