Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sext me about skeletons
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
