Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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