I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I smell stomach acid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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