I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
