Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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