it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
