yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
