I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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