it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
