they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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