no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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