Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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