Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will pee on everything he values.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
