The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
