Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
