Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
