morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
