Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
