it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
