Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
