so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
