My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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