Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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