Your tits are I can't wait for
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
