Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
