How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
