FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
