i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
