Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone shattered a urinal.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
