1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
