She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize