My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
