so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
