the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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