She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
