We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
