I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
