I just pynch a tree in the face
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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