I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize