The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
