just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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