please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
