one might say we're banned from that church
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
