Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
