My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
