She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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