Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
