I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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