I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hate all girls vehemently.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
