doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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