apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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