...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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