i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
