I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
