tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
