Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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