The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
