Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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