I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
