9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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