Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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