YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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