Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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